


let me be a part of the narrative (in the story they will write someday)

by buffydyke



Category: Carmilla (Web Series)
Genre: Other, and i included a few of my headcanons in there as well, i wrote this originally as an anniversary present for my girlfriend but here we are, idk - Freeform, it's kinda bad but idk, it's supposed to follow their lives, like lola being adopted and such, there's a brief mention of sexual content but nothing graphic, trigger warning: slurs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-13
Updated: 2016-03-13
Packaged: 2018-05-26 09:20:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,466
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6233158
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/buffydyke/pseuds/buffydyke
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It begins when they’re five.</p>
            </blockquote>





	let me be a part of the narrative (in the story they will write someday)

**Author's Note:**

> This was originally an anniversary gift for my girlfriend because we're both laferry af.
> 
> There are a few of my personal headcanons mentioned in this (i.e. Lola's adoption). It may also be beneficially to mention that I'm non binary, so I based LaFontaine's realization of their gender-identity upon my own.
> 
> Please leave comments or kudos if you would like!
> 
> I have a tumblr over at smokewolves.tumblr.com !

It begins when they’re five.  
When the LaFontaines move into the area, Susan is eager to make friends. She’s a bit weird, as far as most kids go -- she tracks through the mud at recess and finds a toad under the slide. No one really wants to play with her.  
Lola hates toads, but she isn’t going to let someone play by themself.  
For once, Susan plays with a person rather than an animal.  
From that moment on, after a shared snack, they are fast friends. Susan is everything Lola isn’t. She is outspoken and loud. She demands the Discovery Channel during movie time. She wears the fanciest, prettiest dresses Lola has ever seen. Susan _always_ gets them dirty.  
Susan is weird.  
Lola likes her.

XxXxXx

Susan and Lola have playdates every week.  
Susan is absolutely thrilled. She doesn’t have any siblings, and she never spent much time around other children before now. She’s a bit disappointed that Lola doesn’t have any pets, but she doesn’t mention it. Lola’s house is a lot smaller than the one Susan lives in. Maybe there isn’t room for one.  
That isn’t the only thing that’s different about Lola. She has two moms. Susan didn’t know that someone could have two moms. Her parents don’t seem too happy about it.  
_“Maybe you shouldn’t go over there as much.”_  
But after Susan bursts into tears, starts screaming, and slams her bedroom door (as hard as a five year old can), her parents seem to rethink this.  
Susan doesn’t understand why her parents wouldn’t want her to be around Lola’s family. Her moms are very nice. One is a teacher, and Susan is very glad that she doesn’t try to get her to read or something. The other is a baker.  
When she finds out that Susan loves red velvet cake, she makes one for her to take home. She even lets Lola and Susan help spread the icing. Lola is a lot better at it; Susan would much rather eat it.  
She loves Lola’s moms. She loves Lola, too.  
Sometimes, she wishes she could just live with them. She feels bad afterwards, though.  
Her parents would probably get lonely.

XxXxXx

In second grade, Susan’s parents start going on a lot of trips.  
She tries to understand.  
_“It’s for the company. We have to, Susie. You want to have a nice house don’t you?”_  
Susan doesn’t know how to tell them that she doesn’t care about having a nice house. She wants her parents. They never seem to be around at the same time, anymore. Or at all, really.  
Who cares about _stupid_ businesses, anyway?  
A good thing about the business trips is that she gets to stay with Lola and her moms. They play in Lola’s room while her mom makes them a special cake. Lola doesn’t really have any toys that Susan prefers ( _“Why don’t you have any dinosaurs?”_ ), but they’re really creative. They play house together; Lola is the mom, and Susan is the dad. They have two babies, four cats, and a dog.  
Susan suggests that they trade one of the babies for another dog. 

XxXxXx

In fifth grade, Lola receives a makeup kit for her birthday.  
She’s very excited, and is eager to try to out on Susan.  
“Come on,” she insists. “Just a little!”  
Susan isn’t very eager. She can’t bring herself to deny Lola, though. She gives in.  
Lola is very methodical. She seems to know what she’s doing. She dabbles in the eyeshadow, smudging it on Susan’s lids. (She presses down a little too hard -- Susan thinks her eyes may start to water soon if Lola doesn’t hurry up.) She takes the eyeliner, outlining Susan’s eyes. Susan is thankful that the kit isn’t very large.  
She finishes with blush and lip balm. Susan is admittedly glad when it’s over. This was supposed to be fun, right?  
Why wasn’t it?  
As it turns out, Lola isn’t quite finished.  
“Done! Okay, now I have to show you.”  
Susan doesn’t want to see.  
Lola holds up a mirror.  
She’s supposed to feel pretty, isn’t she? That’s the point of makeup. Susan’s mother wore enough of it for ten people it seems like.  
It didn’t make Susan feel pretty. It just gave her a weird feeling in the pit of her stomach. But Lola seems so happy and proud of herself; Susan can’t bring herself to be truthful.  
She puts on a fake smile. “It looks great,” she lies. “Thanks.”  
She washes it off as soon as Lola isn’t looking.

XxXxXx

School _sucks_. _People_ suck. The government? It probably sucks. Susan assumes it does.  
They’re in middle school, and Susan is trying to find herself. She’s stopped wearing the frilly, fancy dresses that her parents send home from their trips. " _They’re stupid_ ," she complains. " _They make me feel ridiculous_."  
Lola’s moms had taken her and Lola shopping. She had picked out a pair of ripped jeans and a cool button up shirt with a dragon on it. For the first time, Susan actually feels comfortable in her own clothes.  
The only constant in her life these days is Lola.  
“Susan’s a stupid name,” she says one day, shoving part of a corned beef sandwich into her mouth. Lola’s mom packed it for her. She stays over there a lot these days.  
Lola blanches. She doesn’t seem to know what to say about that, exactly. “Lola’s not a nice name, either! So it’s okay.”  
Susan huffs. “I’m not gonna go by it, anymore.”  
Lola looks shocked. “You can’t just change your name!”  
“Says who?”  
Lola looks as if she’s trying to find an answer. “Your parents!”  
Susan finishes off the sandwich. Corned beef was kind of gross, but she’d feel bad if she didn’t finish it in front of Lola. Her moms had tried very hard. “ _What_ parents?”  
Lola’s jaw clenches.  
Well. Maybe Susan struck a nerve. Lola has never really shown any sign that being adopted _bothers_ her.  
She stands. “You have parents, Susan.”  
The bell for class rings, and Lola leaves without saying goodbye.  
That night, Susan goes back to her own house. In the bathroom, she cuts her hair the way she’s always wanted it.

XxXxXx

Sometimes, Susan does things that Lola doesn’t like.  
She starts smoking in 8th grade. And being a rich kid gives her plenty of access to drugs -- Lola screams at her when she finds out. Susan doesn’t care. Lola’s so fucking _uptight_ , sometimes.  
Freshman year, Susan sleeps with J.P. from World History. It isn’t great. It’s awkward and messy, and Susan isn’t really even sure that she _likes_ it.  
Of course, she tells Lola. That’s what best friends do, right?  
Lola seems very upset, and Susan doesn’t understand. Why does this matter? It’s Susan’s life, she should be able to do whatever she wants.  
It’s their longest fight so far.

XxXxXx

Susan starts going by LaFontaine.  
Her teachers aren’t very understanding. They still call her Susan. It makes her very angry -- why won’t anyone _listen_ to her?  
Lola seems to feel bad for her. Admittedly, that just makes LaFontaine feel even worse. She doesn’t want pity.  
Lola starts going by her last name -- _Perry_. LaFontaine knows that she only does it so she, LaFontaine, won’t feel so alone.  
They’re still best friends, but there have been whispers around the halls.  
_Faggots. Dykes._  
It doesn’t bother LaFontaine at first. Perry’s moms are great. Being gay isn’t anything to be ashamed of.  
The thing is: it makes her think.  
_Does_ she like girls?  
It’s a weird thing to think about, and LaFontaine has admittedly never given it much thought before. Boys are okay, she guesses. J.P. hadn’t been _too_ bad, right? It was probably just him. His dick was kind of small, anyway.  
But girls? She’s not sure.  
She’s not sure when things became this confusing.

XxXxXx

As it turns out, LaFontaine _really_ likes girls.  
A lot.  
Boys aren’t bad either, LaFontaine decides. She can like both, right?  
But _girls_. Girls were amazing.  
When they’re in high school, LaFontaine starts seeing Perry in… a different way.  
And it’s alarming.  
Her best friend is very pretty. And it’s alarming. Granted, she’s always known Perry is pretty, but now, she _notices._  
And it’s scary.  
LaFontaine thinks Perry may feel the same way.

XxXxXx

The first time they sleep together, it’s terrifying.  
Terrifying in a _good_ It’s all rough kisses and nervous touches, _laughter_ because neither of them are completely sure how this works. There’s not a field guide to sleeping with your best friend.  
They don’t put labels on it. They’re just best friends who maybe have feelings for each other, right?

XxXxXx

Labels aren’t always bad.  
“Be my girlfriend,” LaFontaine blurts out one night. They’re out at a cheap diner -- Perry had suggested it. LaFontaine knows it’s because Perry wanted to pay, and she doesn’t have a lot of money to spare, but LaFontaine doesn’t bring it to attention.  
Perry stops drinking her milkshake.  
“What? LaFontaine, I--”  
“Sorry,” she cuts her off. “I just thought… I don’t know. We’ve been doing…” she waved her hand around, “ _this_ , for months. I just. Never mind.”  
Perry is quiet for a moment.  
“Okay.”  
LaFontaine doesn’t understand.  
“Okay?”  
“Okay. I’ll be your girlfriend.”  
That night, LaFontaine’s heart can’t stop pounding.  
XxXxXx

LaFontaine starts figuring things out.  
They have never really felt like a girl, have they? But then again -- they’ve never really felt like a boy, either.  
The internet is amazing. Who knew that you can be something other than a boy or a girl? It was a revelation. For once in their life, LaFontaine had found an identity that made them feel comfortable in their own skin.  
When they come out to Perry, she doesn’t understand.  
“I’ve… never heard of that.”  
They can’t deny that they’re hurt. This is something that makes them happy -- finally feeling like they belong, like they understand themself. They want to cry. Or punch something.  
Perry tells them she’ll support them no matter what.  
LaFontaine hopes that she means it. 

XxXxXx

They go to the same college.  
It’s very nice. LaFontaine’s parents pay for it in full. They study biology with a minor in education -- perhaps being a _“weird animal kid”_ would finally be of use.  
LaFontaine knows that Perry’s family is struggling for her to go. She wants to study the German culture and language -- Germany is where her moms had adopted her from when she was a toddler. She starts working at her mother’s bakery to help with the financial burden. LaFontaine can tell it’s taking a lot out of her.  
They offer to help. Perry won’t let them.  
Sometimes she’s really stubborn. 

XxXxXx

Everything isn’t always easy.  
Sometimes, there’s fights that last days. Weeks. Even a few that last long enough that LaFontaine isn’t sure the two will ever be okay again.  
They stay together, though. Through thick and thin, they stay together.  
Perry graduates with top marks.  
So does LaFontaine.  
They land a job at a prominent and esteemed science facility. Perry becomes a translator.  
It’s hard, but they make it work.  
Love is worth it.

XxXxXx

LaFontaine wants to propose.  
They have been together for years, now. For one, it seems like the right time to do it. And LaFontaine honestly can’t talk themself out of it, at this point. They want to spend the rest of their life with her.  
On a trip to Germany, LaFontaine asks Perry to marry them.  
Perry cries. That’s definitely a yes.

XxXxXx

The wedding is small.  
LaFontaine can afford some much more extravagant, but Lola wants something modest. She’s stopped going by Perry. _"I’m too old for that, LaFontaine,"_ she says. _"Lola isn’t a bad name, after all."_  
It’s in the synagogue that Lola grew up in. Lola’s mothers are there. They seem happier than LaFontaine can ever remember them being.  
LaFontaine’s parents don’t show up.  
They try not to be upset.

XxXxXx

LaFontaine changes their name to _LaFontaine Perry._  
Lola may not be a stupid name, but Susan always was. They had never been Susan.  
They were always LaFontaine.

XxXxXx

Lola wants children.  
LaFontaine has never seen themself as the sort that could really be good at the whole _parenting_ thing. They didn’t have any role models, they figure.  
After some convincing, though, LaFontaine gives in.  
Their first child is born in August.  
Her mother had been young, and Lola comforts her while LaFontaine keeps watch over the baby.  
She’s in one of those fish tank things that all babies are kept in in the nursery. She’s so tiny. She doesn’t even look real.  
LaFontaine is utterly terrified.

XxXxXx

They name her Jael. It means “mountain goat”, which LaFontaine thinks is kind of funny, but Lola likes it. She wants all of their children to be named in Hebrew.  
The name grows on them.  
And Jael grows on them, too.

XxXxXx

LaFontaine quits their job. The science facility wasn’t really fulfilling enough, they say. They start teaching at the local high school -- Lola goes back to working at the bakery.  
She wants to be closer to home.  
When Jael is three, their second child is born.  
They name her Neta.

XxXxXx

Lola wants a biological child. LaFontaine is hesitant, but they agree, as long as the child isn’t _theirs._  
The thought of passing on their own genetics scares them.  
It’s a long and hard pregnancy, but when Lola goes into labor, LaFontaine is ready.  
Or. Not ready. At all. But they make it work.  
After twelve long hours, Lola has a baby girl. She’s tiny and loud, and LaFontaine has never been more terrified.  
Lola names her Susan.  
Maybe Susan was only a terrible name when it belonged to them.

XxXxXx

Two years later, they adopt a little boy.  
They name him Ezra.  
He’s a handful, and Lola decides that they’re finally done with children.  
LaFontaine is admittedly… well, relieved.

XxXxXx

Their lives happen in stages.  
And they’re still as happy as ever. They’re so, _so_ happy. LaFontaine never thought this would be their life.  
They get to watch their children grow up and lead happy lives. When a few grandkids come along, Lola is thrilled. LaFontaine is, too, but they’re still worn out from their own kids. 

XxXxXx

Lola is the first to get sick.  
They’re old, now, and LaFontaine knows that growing old comes with consequences.  
They still try to deny it.  
When Lola goes, it’s peaceful. She’s sleeping, and LaFontaine is by her side. 

XxXxXx

The story begins with Susan, and it ends with LaFontaine.  
They had a happy life.  
They can’t look back on it and feel regret. It was to its fullest. They felt more love than they thought was possible.  
When they close their eyes, there’s a smile on their face.


End file.
